And letting it bleed all over the Internet until I stop.
First off, Hi there.
If you're reading this, either you're a friend, someone who trolls the net looking for stuff, or just someone looking for some time to kill. Whatever the reason, welcome to my tiny corner.
I feel a need to introduce (or re-introduce) myself. I am not giving out tremendously pertinent information, just a generalization. So, who the hell am I?
I am a man who lives with a terrific wife who is going through the year from hell. I am a son of 2 people who give of themselves to friends and family. I've learned a ton from them and would hope that I act that way too at times. I am a brother, uncle and brother-in-law who tries to be a decent person to those I love and sometimes falls way short. I am a friend to those who I have come into contact with on a consistent basis and try to help on the way of life.
You know what? None of these things really mean a damn thing.
I feel lost. Like I'm living outside myself. None of those people mentioned above probably take the time to even read this. I don't know what has happened to me. Sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions. Like I'm a ghost. If I should go away, none of these people would truly miss me. Oh sure, they would wonder about me, what happened and so forth. But in the end, none of them would give a second thought to me. Don't get me wrong. I am not feeling suicidal or any of that morose, goth crap. I am just wondering where I belong in the universe. I can't really share any of these thoughts with my wife. It would scare her too much, and she has been through too much already this year. The loss of her brother, who was a big part of her life, has left her needing to lean on me more and more. I have tried so hard to be there for her, but there is only so much I can do. I guess I'm missing him too, but I can't let that show too much to her as I worry that would send her spiraling into a depression that I can't help her dig out of. I love her so much. I try to help her, and it feels so....empty. Like it's just words. I don't know. Maybe it's just the weather that's gotten to me. I am sure that this will pass in time.
Sorry to have bothered you.
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A self-proclaimed geek who writes on comics, TV, WoW, and life in general.
1 comment:
Hey Ron, wow you are a posting fool in the last few weeks. Glad you had fun at the party and glad you and your wife made it.
As for the way you are feeling, for what it is worth I get that way from time to time myself. For me at least the mad rush of just existing and trying to do what I should do makes me lose any joy out of what I do and then I wonder if anyone would notice if I ascended into godhood (okay I have grandiose delusions, but they are mine damn it). From what I can tell it is a function of getting older and looking at things differently and we all wonder what is our role in the grand scheme of things.
Hope the mood passes soon, mine have lasted for a couple of weeks sometimes.
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